When I Grow Up…I’ll Still Love You, Mummy.
My Take
By: Clara Lim Mei Xing
There have long been discussions on the issue of abandoning parents, especially in Singapore. Many stories are shared amongst housewives; of heartless children who change the locks and leave their elderly parents homeless, or children who unwilling support their parents financially because they HAVE to. Monetary support is a law. Love and genuine care is a moral choice.
I should think that most parents would rather a caring son who provides them with basic necessities based on a low-income instead of a splendid financial caregiver that never visits. Everyone automatically thinks that due to the parent’s love and support over numerous years, it is the child’s ultimate responsibility to give all that back and more. But why do children, despite the hard work their parents have gone through to support them, abandon parents in the end?
I believe a lot of this has to do with the lack of bonding between families. In today’s hectic, competitive work environment it is not uncommon for a child to come back to an empty home, make some noodles and sit in front of the television or computer until it’s time for the next meal.
Some children even have to take care of their own siblings and hardly ever see their parents due to late work schedules. Of course, many children recognize their parent’s hard work to provide a comfortable home and grow up to be extremely grateful. Some however, feel that money is more important to the parents than they are. Especially if their parents spend extravagantly on luxury items but rarely say two words to their kids.
I am not implying that it is the parent’s fault for their own abandonment issues, both emotional and financial. I rather think it is the society’s fault for turning everything from O level scores to monthly incomes such a fierce and merciless competition.
That is life you may say. But who made it so?
For all the money we earn, the prestigious jobs we have. Are all of us truly happy?
Is the rich working mother who buys luxury goods and sends her children to violin, ballet and tuition classes happier than the coffee shop auntie who has to work tirelessly to afford to give her son a good education? Are their children any happier? Or have they been conditioned to find happiness in different things? Again this is question of not treasuring what you have.
The rich child may be more happy at getting a day out with mummy at the zoo. The poor child may be happier to get a new computer game or toy.
Parents need to realise that the thing that matters most to a child is just being loved. Whether or not they want to break free from the rules of school of home, children still want to be able to know that they are important and valued. Many parents don’t listen to their children because they think that due to their experience, they always have to be the one teaching and imparting knowledge.
There is no way to tell parents how much space to give their children and how much bonding is needed, but it is important to know what the child thinks.
Not just about his/her preferences, but of important things like dreams and aspirations, personal goals, belief systems and attitudes towards important issues.
Unfortunately I don’t think that societal norms and constraints that make care- giving difficult will soon fade. However, I hope that parents along with parents- to- be will try to realise that when starting a family, it should not be done purely out of convention. Whatever our financial status and despite the respect that should go with being a parent, we must recognize that if we choose to start a family, it is a heavy responsibility that will not simply fade in time.
Although some of us may come from broken homes or have bad relationships with our own parents, we should try hard to break the cycle with them and most importantly with our future children. @
